Food: Love Hate

Why is food so comforting? Is it because as young babes when upset our mothers would scoop us up, press us against their warm bosom and there we would be cooed into submission as we sucked their nipple? Is that the reason behind its power? Or perhaps it's been evolutionarily adapted, this need to satiate.

Food has always been there for me, but which role: friend or foe? As an individual still struggling with eating disorders and body image it's this constant battle. I want to eat but I'll overdo it, especially when emotions come into play. Until therapy I never really knew what triggered my “snack attacks” (to put it lightly) but with each session we pull another layer covering the underlying issue away. It's been a crutch for me for so long. My nipple, if it will.

For example this Sunday after a good workout at the gym I was laying down on my living room floor, pressing on my boob (the reason I don't know). I felt this thing. Not an average thing floating around in my breast (they are conglomerate in composition), but a lump… I played around with it and had my mother take a feel. The way her eyes widened made me even more uneasy. What was it? My mother had benign cyst that she had removed but this is so much bigger. Of course this triggered my mind to race, coming up with the worst-case scenarios. Tumor, cancer? What was my fate? Before I could gain composure I was tossing every morsel of food into my mouth. I knew throwing up wasn't an option. I didn't feel up to the process. So I just continued to shovel the food in.