I have a secret to tell, but you have to somely swear not to tell a sole…If you are still reading then I assume you vow to keep my secret. Okay here it is. It’s been three months. I repeat: THREE WHOLE MONTHS since this girl has gotten a little tender love and care- Okay. Maybe that’s not really a secret... but at this point I would be thrilled if an old man “copped a feel” on the subway. I am in the Sahara Desert and I need an oasis to quench my thirst!
This weekend did not help at all. It all started with Friday night. The roommate and I went to see The Lincoln Lawyer starring the sexy Matthew Mcconaughey. (The movie was incredible. Go see it now- well after you read the rest of this post). Anyways we got seated early, and soon after we were situated the couples came crawling in. We had forgotten that it was 8 on a Friday night- date night. Before we knew it they had us surrounded. Ick. Two seats were open to my left. A very pregnant woman waddled up the stairs and asked if the seats were taken. They weren’t, only by my imaginary bf, but he didn’t mind. Later her hubbie came, and all the couples were stinking up the joint with their lovey-dovey shit. I had been doing so well, and they all had to ruin it! I still don’t want a boyfriend. I guess what I want is a man friend. One you aren’t dating but can just use for nights like this. A fill in bf I suppose, for when I’m lonely. (Fill in, not “fill in the gap in my vagina” (that's a f-buddy)). Anyways the movie starts and I can’t concentrate because I am thinking about how I’m lonely, and getting really down in the dumps over it. I tell myself to snap out of it, and I finally get into the movie. Matthew Mcconaughey helped because he was looking good, more than good that fox is F.OI.N.E fine.
Anways during the movie I as per usual shoved like three sticks of gum in my mouth and was blowing some bubbles. A few were unintentionally loud, but nothing to get your panties in a wad over. I let another loud pop slip and out of the corner of my left eye I see the pregnant woman give herself whiplash because she felt it necessary to burn a hole in the side of my face for snapping my gum. Bitch. More time goes by, the movie is getting intense. Ecept for a few gasps, my roomie and I were quiet the entire time. Towards the mid end of the movie we can no longer hold in out enthusiam for Matthew Mcconaughey. We say (and this is literally what we said): “he is so sexy”. Miss Preggers gives herself whiplash for the second time then leans into baby daddy and points at us. This is where I get PISSED. Listen Lady pregnant or not I'll throw down with chu. If you have a problem all you need to do is ask me to quiet down. "The stank eye", and snye comments are unnecessary. Excuse me, the sexual frustrated girl for not being able to hold in her emotions about the sexy Matthew Mcconaughey. I’m sorry you’re married, and have a stomach the size of a watermelon! Golly...beside this, I had a great night.
Saturday rolls around, and we for some reason after a day perusing the city decide to rent and watch a sappy romantic comedy (we are clearly masochists). We hit the gym, and after three hours, we find out selves sitting in out room sporting messy buns, and sweats- cute. It’s 12:19. We should be at our favorite college bar in Queens NY, with our St. John’s frat boys, but no their Frat had to have “Male bonding”. The rest of the night was spent discussing our sad state. My life is stagnant.
XoXO- Limardi aka. Explicit Virgin (my newly created nickame for myself).
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